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Half way between the gutter and the stars
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Date:2012-01-22 08:52
Subject:bah
Security:Public
Mood: crushed

Things have been hard since Sean left, especially since he got engaged 4 months after the split to someone so much younger. I thought I would start feeling better after this time but I feel alone. I have no one up here since Twila and the kids moved (cant even talk to them because of Preston). I lost Sean's family too and I was really close to them. I am so unhappy up here.

The only thing keeping me here is work. They have sent me back to university and they are paying for my HR designation. When will I ever get this opportunity again? Never. So I have been asking my self this question, should I not just move back to Calgary where I have friends I love and miss and screw my career plans, or stay up here for 18 more months and finish this? I dont want to look like I am using the company. There are opportunities for me to move around Canada with them. I would love to try to stay within the parent group.

I'm just tired of waking up crying.

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Date:2011-01-24 14:54
Subject:
Security:Public
Mood: hopeful

So house hunting is kinda done since we have seen everything in our price range... I guess we will keep our fingers crossed we can find something bigger then 500sq feet (most of these had no basement). I wouldn't mind a condo as long as the building was bedbug free!! I do NOT want to go through that again. Bleh! On top of that Sean's mom is co-signing because we cant use Sean's income since he only makes commission (even though some months he makes more then me!). So whenever we look at a house she starts freaking out asking if we can really afford it even though she knows its WAY less then our rent! What really bugged me was when I got a small Christmas bonus and spent it on a Coach purse because I wanted to get myself something nice, and she freaked out on me. I told her it was my Christmas bonus but she said I could have spent it on something else. :( bah.

Sean and I have kind of been not getting along lately. Maybe that's not the right word. We just don't really have much to say to each other lately and I don't know why. I know he doesn't want to get married soon since he made that obviously clear after Anna and I went dress shopping. I don't know if its because most of his friends aren't married or because his parents have been married 3 times each. He just shuts down when I talk to him about it so I leave it alone. There's no point in pressing the issue. He just seems to want to hang out with his friends alot more lately. It sucks for me because I really don't know anyone up here. Yare Yare!

I'm seriously thinking of going to Grant MacEwan up here part time for Social Work or Human Resources. I have not picked yet. I told Sean's mom I was thinking of going and asked her opinion because she went there part time a few years ago. I got an email back telling me that I should really think about my debt load (which really is not alot, way less then hers and most people I know...) and that its really not a good idea to go back and how can I even think about going back and being able to make ends meet even though I told her IT WAS PART TIME. I love my job, but I want to do something else. Plus I will meet some people with the same interests as me (its hard to meet people up here!!).

What really made me want to do something is my manager at work. He has a tendency to tell me how worthless I am to the company and how I don't really do anything productive. I would like to not bother with ISNetworld for a day and see how many jobs we miss, THEN he would see that I do actually do something quasi important... but I wont do that because I don't want the guys to miss out on their bonus. It actually got to the point where the HR manager came out to the front and dragged him into his office. That lasted 3 days then he started up on me again. Bah!

I think this is all a case of the winter blahs!

I am looking forward to belly dance tonight! We get to dance with veils WOO HOOO!!! I like mine. Its a deep burgundy with gold thingies on it. This weekend should be good too. If its still nice out and my landlord can plow out the arena then I get to work with some of the horses. They are so funny when they play with the big balls. If you have never seen it, youtube it. Its really odd seeing them play!!

Well, methinks I am going to have some hot chocolate and finish up some AP since lunch is over.

Jya!

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Date:2010-11-26 11:45
Subject:House hunting, round two!
Security:Public
Mood: mellow

So we found a house! This one was built in 1990, is 2000 square feet and has two fireplaces!!! The down side? Still 45 min away from Edmonton, and there are no appliances. Not really a biggie tho. Its right across the street from Lac St. Anne!! The public beach is like 4 houses down! We are having the inspection done on Sat, and getting the well tested on Monday. It needs some touch ups like new taps, new tile (some of it is cracked) but its a really nice place!

I have been sick all week!! Bah!! I missed tues and wed at work. Tues was not really a big loss because our network was down so I wouldn't have been able to do anything anyway. I was surprised that even with satellite tv there was nothing on during the day!

Haven't talked much to my sister lately. Mainly because of her husband. I met Sean through him and Twi. Now hes saying really bad things about Sean. No. Hes not perfect. No. Hes not a doctor or a lawyer. So he drives a cab and eventually wants to get into a rig (he has his class 1A).There have been alot of times that he has made way more then me when he works night. I wish he could understand that Sean treats me with respect and always looks out for me. If I work late he always has an awesome dinner on the table. Every week he checks both vehicles to make sure they are ok. If I'm sick he runs to the closest town (30 min away) and gets me what ever I want. I would love to talk to my sister, but he always picks up the phone and makes some snide comment. Bah.


Anyway, I'm glad its Friday!! I get to test my new mixer on the weekend!! I was really surprised how heavy it is. I really want to try making bread from scratch and without using a bread maker.

Jya!

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Date:2010-11-03 13:20
Subject:Hmmmmmm
Security:Public
Mood: mellow

Sean finally started days!! Unfortunately he is only making half of what he was on nights. He cant go back on nights because of his health (not taking care of himself and not sleeping) so he is looking for a new job. It sucks because he really likes his job.

I ordered some new soap stuff!! Including a new wavy cutting blade!! I cant wait to start making some xmas soaps^^

I put in a request to have next Monday to Friday off. I need out of here for a bit. I hate being caught in the middle of the managers fighting, and then me getting into trouble because the other manager didn't do something. I feel like saying I don't have Manager in my title, so why is it my fault they aren't sharing information with each other or me. I am not the only one this his happening to, and I think HO is aware of the issue. I hope it changes soon. I like my job, and my co workers (when they are not telling each other to go fornicate themselves...) but these headaches are not worth it. I have tried to seek a resolution, but none of the managers are interested.

Ah well.

I have riding lessons tonight!!! Yay!! It always feels like I am riding for 15 min before I am told time is up :(.

Sean and I are still house hunting. We would really love to be in our own home for xmas!! I cant wait to decorate! I've already started my xmas shopping :).

I better get back to work.

Jya!

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Date:2010-10-26 11:12
Subject:
Security:Public
Mood: hungry

So the house fell through. The electrical was a bit messed and my insurance would not cover it until the house was rewired. I am relieved but a bit sad. We are going to look at some more places in the next few weeks with a new Realtor since my last one was a bit flaky.

Horseback riding has been going well! I fell in love with this horse my landlord has. She was brought back by the guy that bought her 2 months ago. He didn't spend any time with her, and she had some strange scars on her neck :(. He couldn't figure out why she would not listen to him. She looked so sad when he was talking about her. If an animal could cry she probably would have been. When he left with a different horse to try out she perked up and was happy. My landlord said that she would not send her back with him. The other horse worked out well with him. I guess it was a personality conflict. She listens to me and I actually ride her with no problems. Plus she is a smaller horse which is good because I have had to use a step ladder to get on the other horses she has...><

Sean FINALLY goes back on day shift! I get to see him for more then 6 hours a week!! I am sure we will have fights over the remote but it will be so nice to actually spend time with him. AND HE WONT BE WORKING WEEKENDS ANYMORE! :D

I guess I should get back to work. The owner is coming in tomorrow to ask me about doing some kind of special project. Hopefully it involves some kind of travel!!

Jya!

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Date:2010-10-18 16:59
Subject:Hi
Security:Public
Mood: anxious

I know its been a while.

I miss you guys. I really do.

I am in a dilemma. I know people will probably say WTF you should be happy. But I feel like ass. Pure ass. PLEASE DO NOT POST THIS ON FACEBOOK AS THIS PERSON IS ON MY FRIEND LIST.

I feel so lost and sad. Sean and I got a mortgage. We are having the place inspected tonight. Problem is I have become great friends with my landlord. One of the first real friends I have up here. I told her a month ago we were looking for a house. After searching in our price range (aka not much but its still something) we found a home. I say that because it felt like home the minute we walked in. We looked at eachother and said this is it!

I told my friend about it, and she said Great! Sucks that you will be leaving, but Great!! She has still been teaching me to ride/care for horses/just being a great friend. But now I have found out that money is a little tight for them. I feel like absolute crap because now we are more then likely moving unless the inspector finds a body or something in the walls. I feel like I am really letting her down and being a bad friend. She has told me before that she knew we wouldn't live there forever, and they have plans for the house. But that was before the money issue. I have not said anything to her because if the financing falls through, or the inspection sucks I don't want to cause her any undue stress. Shes been going through a tough enough time already.

I really care for her and I really feel bad. I COULD just say no and walk from the house, but we want to own even though we love the place we rent. Plus Sean would run me over a few times in our Jeep.... Plus its nearly 30 min closer to my work.

I just don't know what to do. I also feel like ass that its been 3 years since I posted here (I've been stalking you all... don't worry!!) but I really need guidance and I respect what all of you on my friends list here have to say. This has been causing me panic attacks.

I will try to post here more. I just use Facebook more now.

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Date:2007-11-02 09:49
Subject:HOLY!!!
Security:Public
Mood: chipper

OMG AN UPDATE!!!

Yeah, I’m still kickin’ around. Lots of mayhem up here.

The move was horrible. I called to confirm my truck rental, and U-Haul said they had called, and said they didn’t have a truck. I told them that if they called MID MONTH and told me they didn’t have a truck like they said that I would have found another way up. The lady on the other line said “Well I’m not you” and hung up. So I kept calling and yelling. They found me a tuck. Twi and her family picked up Sean, Mom and her GF came over and so did my bro to help pack. It was such a rush I didn’t get a chance to call anna back (sorry sis!!). As I was moving my stuff we found A LOT of black mould. I wish I had taken pictures of it. The whole vanity in the bathroom is covered in mould on the inside, and its falling apart. This is from me calling him twice telling him there was a leak, and him coming a week later to look at it, and not replacing the vanity. Anyhow we packed up the truck and was on our way. I was bawling the whole way up.

We get to Edmonton and than the U haul’s engine starts spewing random fluid all over the parking lot of our apartment. We start unpacking and get about half done and my sister and her family need to go because she is sick (she has really bad vertigo), and none of Sean’s friends could come and help. So Sean and I pack everything else back in the truck, and lock the back. It took forever to get the rest of the stuff up here, but I called U haul to tell them their truck exploded.

For the first five nights there were fire trucks coming in here at 3am because of false alarms. We soon started to realize that we are living in a horrible complex as every time we get down into the foyer we are asked if we have any crack…. I shit you not….

I ended up getting a job at A&W at first because it paid $14 an hour PT and had benefits. The boss was awesome, but I hated being in the back all the time. I intended to keep this job while I was in school, but after sitting through classes for 2 days I decided I don’t want to go back to school just yet. So I hit the pavement and was told the only thing I am good for is a receptionist and my nearly two years as an office manager didn’t count for some reason….. yeah…

Anyway I ended up getting a job here at Boardwalk in the complex that I live at. I lasted a month. I was tired of having to call the police, cops showing up at MY apartment to take my statement instead of doing it at the time of the conflict. Some examples of such are a tenant saying hes going to booby trap the doors and saying he has a lot of weapons inside. I looked at his notes file, and confirmed that tenants have actually been in his apartment and had seen the weapons. Well the cops came, and than upon talking to him over the phone, called SWAT. He gets released and we cant evict him. There are people here having little drug wars. Cops come, find lots of guns, find the tenants across from my building (but in the same complex) door has been kicked in and their apartment destroyed by the dealer. There is so many more stories like this….
One of the best stories is they were trying to fix the parkade in the back (we are all parking on the lawn here… very nice for $1300 a month rent :/) and as they were driving a piece of equipment on the ramp, it fell through.

But a better story than even that one might be this. Sean and I had driven a friend back home (she lives in one of the smaller towns around Edmonton) and we get back home around 4am. We get into bed, and hear what sounds like a car alarm. We remember it’s the fire alarm and because of all of the false alarms, we ignore it. That is until we hear the people above us (and our walls, floor, ceiling are 6 inches of concrete), people running around our hallway on our floor, and some really odd noises. Sean gets up and starts running around yelling the building is on fire and tosses my coat at me. He goes outside to find it raining in our hallway. Some jackass turned on the fire hoses at either end of the hallways from the 18th floor to the 6th floor. Well Sean and our neighbor run up all the stairs (because by this time the elevators are flooded out and don’t work) and turn off all the hoses. As they are doing this, they catch the guy and start dragging him down the stairs only to find a small mob of people who start to hit the guy. I call 911 and tell them that the place is flooding and we caught the guy and he is about to get the snot kicked out of him. The fire department shows up so they hand over the guy to them, and the cops show up 15 min later. I have pictures of all of this, and as soon as I can find my camera cords I will post them on Facebook.

Needless to say, we are moving in Feb when we are allowed to transfer. I don’t like living in an apartment building and needing to have a baseball bat beside my door.

Now, I am working dispatch at a trucking company. I unfortunately work the graveyard shift, but even though it’s a salary position we can get over time and get paid well for it. Its 12 hours a shift, 4 days on, 4 days off. I get paid semi monthly, not monthly like at Boardwalk. I plan on working 5 days on, 3 off which will give me nearly 1/3 of my whole check by working an extra day on each rotation a month. Its an awesome job so far. All the truckers are really nice and bring you stuff, and all the other dispatchers are all smart asses so you need to think of a comeback quick.

That’s about all I can think of for now.

Oh….. VIDEOGAMES LIVE IN ONE WEEK!!!!! AHHHHH YEAH!!!!!! I will see you guys there!! I can only stay the one night tho : ( I wont be able to see everyone like I wanted to. I will make sure that on one of my 4 off to make it down there.
I miss you all so so much. I hope everything is going well!!

Jya!!

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Date:2007-07-28 14:50
Subject:
Security:Public

Id like to point out I HATE PACKING

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Date:2007-06-27 18:15
Subject:
Security:Public

I will be moving to Edmonton Aug 1st

I'm gonna miss you guys!!

I anyone feels like helping me load the uhaul lemme know!

Jya!

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Date:2007-06-26 19:41
Subject:
Security:Public

Well my BF was going to move into my place and we were going to save up lots of cash, but my landlord said no, and theres no where to move into until sept. Student loans will up my loan by nearly 4k instead of just tuition, so thats nice. But Now I have to find a place in edmonton. Boy I hope someone gets back to me. Twi and Preston said i can live with them as long as need be, but I rather be in edmonton, closer to the school and stores, not 25 min away from the nearest town. Unfortunatly Sean is out of the province at his grandads funeral, and I know this is the last thing he needs to worry about. bah

jya

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Date:2007-06-11 19:05
Subject:
Security:Public

Bah! Student loans wont give me the money I need, and my bank said no. I had to email the U of A to see if they would be nice and let me delay my acceptance for a year so I can get some of the money I need. I cant even sell my car for a profit because its too "new". Atleast it has a high resell value if I do ever sell it. I need to find a new full time job for sept since I already hired a new office manager and trained her. Shes working pt. One of the patients said that I can make 22 an hour at the post office working in the main sorting plant. She also said she could help me get a position there.
Bah... just... bah

Ahh well. Atleast I know I can get in school.

well I'm gonna go eat some berries. I blame anna for bringing some into work today ><

Jya!

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Date:2007-05-28 18:49
Subject:
Security:Public

The drains arent draining, and now my pipe is spewing water all over my bathroom.... where the hell is it gonna go!? Atleast I am moving soonish. But still... I would like clean dishes >< and a nice hot shower that dosent involve me standing in dirty shower water :(

Jya

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Date:2007-05-22 19:08
Subject:Shibaraku ne?
Security:Public

Wow long time no post. Things have been nuts lately between work and me getting into the U of A. Now that I am in, I need to consider going as I am not sure what it is exactly what I want to do. Last thing i need is to get into more debt. I need to really sit down and think about what I want to do... Still up in the air as I am not sure if I wanna move up there eventhough Sean is up there. Hes enlisting so it will be harder for him to come down to visit.

It was brutal last wed on the way home. A girl on her motorcycle got smoked by a car that was trying to beat her through a yellow light. The girl went flying over the car and than some. I slammed on my brakes and ran out to see if she was ok and gave her some first aid until EMS arrived. She should be ok. I dont know how it wasent worse. What made me mad was about 5 cars that saw the accident just went passed hence me jumping out of my car. Poor girl. yay for diffusion of responcibility ><

I am selling my DS if any of you are interested. I really want to sell it as a bundle with all the games. I need to really sit down and go through everything to see what I want to get rid of, even if I dont go to the U of A. My living arrangements up there are messed now but I'll just sort it out along with my belongings.

My wonderflex should be here soon so I can make Demitri's costume and hopefuly get another best in show at Animethon. I need to try to make myself soemthing. As much as I would love to have the judges jaws drop like I did with my mana costume I dont think I have the time to pull it off.

The bucket party was awesome! Aww my sis and her new toy! It was too bad the fondu smelled like feet at first. It was tasty tho!

Well off to check lj to see whats going on in everyone's life.

Jya

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Date:2007-04-12 22:52
Subject:
Security:Public

Because I told my boss I am going back to school in the fall, I dont get my raise that I was promised. Lame. Ghey even...

All I can say is I better get in.

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Date:2007-03-01 22:18
Subject:
Security:Public

Long time, no post. Ive been uber busy with work lately due to lack of man power. As much as I love my coworkers and how slack the job is 90% of the time, I really cant stay. So I applied to the U of A, and will be applying to the U of C for some after degree programs and Masters they offer. I really hope I get in somewhere. I mean, a 3.0 really isnt THAT bad is it?

Ive been so tired lately. Sleeping pills dont work. I still cant sleep. I was so tired this morning that I Nearly sliced my thumb off making my lunch. Its still bleeding. I guess I should have gotten stitches ><. I had to scrape off my car, and than I guess I hit my other hand because when i got to work the other one was covered with blood. The doc at work was like "ermmm, maybe you should leave early..." Which I did so I could study. All I need to do now is review. Must get a B! I have above that but I want to keep my usual 80-85% mark.

Kudos to Kip. last night for the shootout. Now if we could just win on the road maybe we will make it to the final round of the play offs

Jya!

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Date:2007-02-12 22:22
Subject:
Security:Public

tom msg me since i cant get ahold of you any other way!!

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Date:2007-02-05 19:28
Subject:
Security:Public

I was told today at work to tell them If I am staying or to find a new job

Theres really nothing thats not retail or you need 5 years experience.

What to do...

Jya

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Date:2007-01-28 11:43
Subject:Should I stay or should I go now?
Security:Public

Well I found out I can prolly get a job that pays more money. I dont have one lined up yet, but I am really thinking of leaving. I have an interview way the hell down south for a pt job, but I wont get home until after midnight. I really need to get a better paying job. I am tired of putting up with crap at work (and i know crap happens everywhere). They are just condecending some times, and I dont know if they know it. They keep telling me to do stuff, stuff that is basic at work when I am in the middle of something else. When I am doing something they tell me how to do it, and i know how. It just really gets to me after a while. I would need to give like 3 weeks notice. The problem is I need money in my savings account to cover any expences that might occur if I have to wait for my paycheque. The other thing is being on probation for 3 months sucks, what if I get fired? But at the same time, I cant stay where i am...

I dunno what to do :(

Jya

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Date:2007-01-25 22:16
Subject:
Security:Public

Its time to play the music, its time to light the lights...


http://entertainment1.sympatico.msn.ca/TV_Guide/TVNews/Articles/250107_muppets_MH

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Date:2007-01-23 20:14
Subject:
Security:Public

ok feel free to laugh at me, but I didnt know steering wheels arent supposed to make a sound when you turn it. it sounds like a rip cord on one of those toy cars... It did that since I got it. Now T&T honda is saying they wont re connect my stereo system that they disconnected, so I doubt they will fix my steering. I called but the service department was closed, and the guy that sold me the car wasent there (hes really kind of creepy now that him and his fiance broke up).Needless to say I dont want to deal with him, but I want to get my car fixed asap... I worry I will be stuck with a shitty car...
Bah ><

Jya

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